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Think of sex like a video game. Not because it’s one or you even treat it like one.
But it’s similar to how when you get really good at a game, you don’t feel like playing it 24/7 anymore. Sex with your partner is familiar and comfortable. You still like the game, but you already know all the moves to defeat the final boss. So, the excitement is gone.
So, how do you bring it back? By introducing new angles to something routine.
1. Exploring New Sides to Your Relationship
Intimate toys can do things the human body can’t. Sex toys pulse, vibrate, and have the wonderful ability to overstimulate your sensitive areas. Sex toys make whatever you feel during sex ten times more intense. Especially when you feel your partner's hands on your body while or after using these toys.
There’s also implicit trust in letting your partner use the toys on you. Now, you have to keep that in mind. We design sex toys to hit the sensitive spots at the right angles. It’s easier to achieve orgasm with it than without it for all genders.
Considering heterosexual and bisexual women have the lowest orgasm rates at 65% and 66%, sex toys can definitely help.
2. Improves Communication
Studies prove when long-term partners try something new together, it reminds them of the early days of the relationship. It creates a similar level of passion.
This feeling is even more intense when it involves sex. Because it opens up a way for you to have honest conversations about your boundaries and fantasies.
According to Dr. Chris Kraft, intimacy usually slows down between couples after 3 to 4 years together. At this stage, they stop talking about their sex life and don’t try connecting to each other emotionally.
Introducing sex toys or other new bedroom activities gives couples a way to communicate to each other. It’s also a clear display of effort.
When you have difficult conversations about your sexual desires, it removes the stigma and shame society attaches to it. You can ask your partner to do things you wouldn’t have the courage to ask a year ago.
This is backed by a 2016 study. Men and women who use sex toys together, tend to have more sex and consistent orgasms.
But this is because they try to keep their relationship intimate in other ways as well, like having date nights and showering together.
3. More Affection
Sex doesn’t equal affection. But having sex with your partner does make you feel more connected to them. And this affection leads to more sex.
But how do you have more sex? By finding ways to have more sex, stupid as it sounds.
When you add toys to the equation, you have something new to look forward to, something you’re both excited to try. Considering how diverse modern toys are, there’s no end to scenarios you can explore. For example, maybe instead of toys related to genitals, you would rather get something like nipple clamps.
4. Physical Benefits
At this point, you must be well aware sex has health benefits, or at least there is a correlation between sex and better health.
But did you know sex toys, specifically, can be good for your health?
For example, vibrators can make the pelvic floor muscles stronger. It increases blood flow to the vaginal tissues, which allows the muscles to relax. Those with pelvic floor dysfunction report a decrease in urine leakage after using sex toys. 73% of women also claim to feel less pain before and during intercourse.
*This is fine, but kegel toys are specifically designed to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles where use of a vibrator may strengthen..
Vibrators can also help you get an erection, especially if you are dealing with a decrease in libido.
Sex toys contribute to better sleep, immunity, memory, and pain relief. Because it makes sexual encounters better, you get double the health benefits from sex toys.
Choosing the Right Sex Toy for You and Your Partner
Owning sex toys is more common than you think. 52.3% of Canadians use sex toys. And a pretty encouraging 21.7% have also shared their toys with a partner.
But some people look at sex toys as proof of their lack of ability to please their partner. Straight men almost view it as a competition of sorts.
So, there’s a chance that bringing up the idea of using sex toys can make your partner feel offended. Worse, if you’re too insistent about it, it can come off as coercion. The last thing you want to do is to make your partner feel there’s no choice.
This should be a joint decision and you should be looking at the best sex toys for couples together.
1. Select A Safe, Neutral Space
There are two things you have to be considerate about:
- Where you bring up the subject
- How you bring up the subject.
For the where part, the best place would be your living room or even the kitchen. Any safe, neutral ground. It doesn’t mean you bring it up inside a cafe, but you don’t mention it inside the bedroom either.
Definitely don’t bring it up after sex. You’re both in a relaxed state, but you’re also vulnerable right then. Mentioning sex toys right after would make them question whether they’re doing something wrong.
Carly Rowena, a lifestyle YouTuber, who is pretty open about her sex life, suggests sending an article link, a blog, or even a YouTube video about the subject. It’s a clear hint but your partner doesn’t have to respond immediately and they can take the time to think about it.
Then, when you do bring it up face-to-face, mold the conversation around how fun could it be. Sexologist and relationship expert Dr. Jess O'Reilly suggests opening by starting with the positive and then making a request that includes the partner.
So, something like, “I love it when you do this. But wouldn’t it be amazing if we could also add sex toys to our routine? I think it would make the experience so much better for both of us?”
2. Look for Body-Safe Material
It’s your body, so the material you use matters. Especially with sex toys, when some of them happen to go inside you.
Silicone, glass, metal, and plastic are all body-safe materials.
Silicone is most widely used for making intimate toys. It’s hypoallergenic, non-porous, and easy to clean and sanitize. Glass, metal, and ABS plastic also share some of the same qualities. But if there’s even a crack in the glass, you have to throw it away.
Where you want to put the toy also determines the material you should go with. Anything anal, you want to go for flared base products. By flared base, we mean the base has to be wider than the part inserted- so flared.
Whatever material you decide to go with, always check labels and certifications. Don’t go for cheap products. If it’s cheap, it’s not safe.
3. Finding Toys You Both Like
Pull up a local online shop and get yourself acquainted with the different categories. As you scroll through the products, make a note of both of your reactions to different items.
Which ones made you feel like using it on yourself or your partner?
Then, grab a pen and paper, and fill out a Yes/No/Maybe list. Make sure your partner fills it out too. Cross-check where you both put down a Yes or Maybe and you have an answer to what you want to get.
Dr. Jess recommends basing your decision on the type of sex you already have. Especially if you’re a beginner, it would be smarter to get something that won’t change your existing sexual routine but can become a part of it.
